As I sat today after watching Beth Moore’s “Lesson with a hairbrush”, I cried, and cried. (You can view Beth’s short video clip here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xtk5WgzZcYA) Then I heard the Lord ask me, “Why are you crying?” I thought about it for a minute and I realized I was crying for a few reasons.
First, God is so sweet and so good. He cares even about the little things. He knows our hurts, our fears and every one of our desires. Even a desire as simple as wishing someone would brush our hair. God cares!!!
Second, and probably the biggest reason, I was crying because I was wondering would I have obeyed God as Beth did? Would God have been able to trust me enough to even ask me? Do I have a heart that listens to and obeys God in spite of insecurities, fears and even personal embarrassment? Am I willing to listen to Him and obey Him no matter what He asks me to do? There is a song that I absolutely love, one of my all-time favorite songs to the Lord. It’s titled “I Simply Live for You” by Hillsong (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSIwNdGsthY ). That song came to my spirit when I was wondering these things and I felt the Lord asking me, “Do you”?” Do you simply live for me? And so I wondered, “do I simply live for Him”? Or is my life spent living for self and for family. Where does God really fit in? Do I simply live for Him? If I am completely honest with my God and myself I would have to say no, I do not. I very much want to but I tend to allow life’s distractions to draw me away from Him. Life is full of opportunities for distractions: Home, work, friendships, family, hobbies, TV, computer, phone, games, etc.. These can all prove be distractions and deterrents in our relationship and time with the Lord. Although none of these things are bad in and of themselves, if we are not careful we can so easily allow our priorities to get out of order. Often it just sneaks up on us a little at a time.
I remember the time when God was truly first in my life. He was the first one I thought of when I woke up and the last one I thought of when I was falling asleep. I couldn’t wait for every new morning to come, for that is when we would have sweet fellowship. Just Him and I, alone for hours each morning. I could not get enough of Him or His word – I had such an unquenchable hunger for Him! Where did that go? What happened that changed that? I’m not sure exactly where or when it started, but my priorities got out of order. I so desire to put Him first again! Yet it has been such a struggle. The Lord told me once as I was struggling with this, “Putting God first in your life is not easy. It is a commitment that turns into a desire and becomes a passion!” Commitment. It starts with commitment. This is something ‘I’ must determine to do. God will not make me. God has given each of us the freedom of choice. The choices that we make greatly impact the paths of our lives. Daily we need to pray for the wisdom to make the choices that God would have us to make.
Third, I was crying because I know that I have let fear take me from my God. I know that God can ask us to do some crazy things because he has and so I have feared that and have run from him. I use to think that obedience to God, the God that I have placed all my trust in, would be so easy. Boy was I wrong! I have believed with all my heart that I trust God completely, but now I find myself wondering, “do I”? If I really do, then what am I afraid of? Two things actually, self and others. I need to count the cost and ask myself, “Am I willing to humble myself and even embarrass myself for my God? Am I willing to let go of the fear of man and the rejection of man and do all God has called me to do or will call me to do?” The answer is, “YES! Yes, God, yes!” God, give me the boldness and grace to do whatever you call me to do! Fear of the unknown can be paralyzing. And that is what has held me back. Yet God has told me through his word that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13) And when I am weak, He is strong! (2 Corinthians 12:10). I want to be able to sing that song to God, “I Simply Live for You”, and mean it with all my heart. And with God’s grace, I will, for I am still learning and still growing and God is always willing to help because as long as I live I can promise you: God’s not done with me yet!
God, give me the grace to serve you, to honor you, to obey you, to put you first above myself and my dignity, to be so enamored by your love that nothing and no one can hold me back not even myself. Let fear truly be a thing of my past, not my present or my future. Give me the grace to walk in the authority you have given me through your son, Jesus. There is no way I will succeed on my own, Lord. I have proven this. I need your grace to fill me to overflowing so that I can live this abundant Spirit filled life you have given me. Show me the things to come so that I can commit unto you the works of your hands. Let me be a part of what you are doing in and on this earth and in the lives of others. Show me how to be a blessing and help me to obey you. Guide me, Holy Spirit, lead me and counsel me. Rebuke me and chastise me when I do wrong and show me the right way. Lead me to the mountain of the Lord where He will teach me His ways so I may walk in His paths all the days of my life. Let my ending be so much better than my beginning and someday when I see You, Lord, face to face may You say to me, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!” (Matt. 25:21). Oh, God, let it be so! In Jesus name, Amen!